Busy is as Busy Does
I wake up early every day to let my little puppy out. I’m excited because now he is waking up at 5:30 instead of 4:30 in the morning each day. The little things. But it is all little things for the most part that make up a life.
When Little Feels Big
When I was a classroom teacher not so long ago, sometime my little firsties would freak out about something. Honestly, they could freak out about just about anything. (It’s like their human.) For them, it’s still all new.
Sometimes it was a loud-thing like an alarm going off, sometimes it was a friend-thing like one child not wanting to share with another. Sometimes it was a school-thing, like their Spanish teacher not calling on them when they raised their hand to answer a question they knew the answer to. It all feels big to them.
And it was nice to have some experience with understanding how big it feels, even if it isn’t an actual big thing.
I would look at them gently and hold both of their hands in mine and say in my most soothing but casual voice, “This is one of those things that happens in first grade. I’ve seen it before. It feels big. But we can handle it. I guess today is the day that we are learning how to deal with loud sounds/to be okay with the fact that Carson gets to have time with her fancy new pencil before sharing it with others/Your Spanish teacher can’t call on you every single time you raise your hand. These are the type of things that happen in first grade. Nothing bad is happening though. Nobody is hurt. We can work this out together. Let’s talk about it and see what solutions we might find.”
The thing is that they are little. They need guidance. They can problem solve with help, but they can’t lead the problem solving. That’s too big an ask for most five, six, or seven year old. They do have solutions although sometimes they are convoluted and complicated. I might have had to lay down some boundaries to help them keep it simple. But kids can solve problems. We have to ask questions and let them figure it out with their own mind.
It doesn’t have to be a masterful solution to work. If it works well enough then that’s good enough. And then they know that they can solve problems. You can say, “Good solution. I’m proud of you.” And if you can’t find a good solution, you can redirect. “Why don’t you show James how to spin that top. It looks like he could use some help.”
I have discovered over the years that most children are pretty darn generous. Most kids will share. Most kids will volunteer to hold hands and walk with a friend who is scared of the loud alarm. Most kids understand that the Spanish teacher can’t call on everyone every single time they raise their hand. Most kids want very much to be helpful.
It’s the little things.
Time to Breathe
Well, it is nice to have a moment where I’m not helping little kids manage their days. I’ve been making myself schedules and to do lists. Filling up my days and keeping myself very busy. Somehow, that’s been harder than expected. It makes me think of this quote from J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (which I may have read many more times than once):
I always do, Mrs Weasley,’ said Harry. ‘I like a quiet life, you know me.”
I came into adulthood in the 80s and 90s. I remember Cindy Crawford on the cover of Vogue in her red shoulder-padded power-suit. I thought that was pretty cool. I wanted to be an international business woman, traveling from country to country on the corporate jet, having meetings, making money, wearing that suit.
Having it All
But this morning I wrote in my journal, “hey! I’m having a quiet life. I didn’t know I wanted one, but I really really really actually do. I don’t think I realized that that’s what I’ve wanted all along. A quiet life. So don’t fill it up, April, with too much. Keep it simple, sweetheart.
I thought I wanted to “HAVE IT ALL”. But turns out, what ALL is is peace. I want to have peace. I want to have time to think. I want to make soup. I want to write songs and stories for children. I want to have songs to share with my choir. I want to help people realize their dreams.
But more than any of that, I want to walk out on a peaceful September afternoon when the sun is shining and the birds are chirping. I can hear the cicadas and crickets chanting, and a gentle breeze setting the dry leaves to rustle. I want to feel that calm that only September can bring. The one I missed year after year after year with the hustle and bustle of the beginning of the school year, and that long, trafficky commute. I’d come home too tired to even acknowledge I do love September before I’d throw myself on the couch for an exhausted nap before making dinner. That’s not living.
“One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.”
-Gretchen Rubins, The Happiness Project
I realized the other day that when I’ve sung, “Let there be peace on Earth and let it begin with me,” I always thought that peace meant non-combative. Kind. Gentle. Hopeful. Now I realize that maybe it actually means settled. It means enjoying the little things. Enjoying my life moment by moment. As happiness expert Gretchen Rubins says, “One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.”
I did enjoy helping little kids figure out their days. But I don’t think my nervous system could do another go-round of 50+ hours a week at school.
I’m grateful for the time to write songs and stories for your kids and this little missive out to you. I’m hoping that makes both of us happy. But if it makes me happy, I guess that’s enough.
I hope you can find some moments of peace and happiness this September.
I thought I wanted to “HAVE IT ALL”. But turns out, what ALL is is peace.
P.S. I’ll share that my friend Carrie Newcomer wrote a poem about egg gourds. I have a few of hers around my house that she’s given me. I don’t really know what to do with them except wonder at them in their basket. I guess that’s all your supposed to do…
It's the Little Things